Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Welcome to the "Crazy Cat Lady" Club!

I think that some of you may be wondering why I call myself a spinster...the answer is, because I am. If it was forty years ago, I would be a "Maiden Aunt", "Spinster" or "Crazy Cat Lady"--forget that I have no cats. Funny thing is, I never pictured my life the way it has turned out. I always thought I would be married with children by now. Nope, I am...dada da duh da duh "Career Woman". Invitee of all showers, weddings, christenings, naming ceremonies, and all other functions that single women detest going to. You see, when you go to these things, not only are you expected to bring a gift, but also to give of your free time--on a weekend usually, then while you are there, they proceed to politely insult you.

"Don't worry, it will be your turn one day" an Aunt will say, while thinking in her head--"Good thing my daughter married young, this one doesn't stand a chance."

"Maybe you're just too picky." which translates to: "Maybe you shouldn't be so picky."

"Don't worry--I was thirty before I had my first child." which translates to: "You're a year behind, better catch up."

"You know these days, you don't have to be married to have a baby." which translates to: "You better hurry, I hear a clock ticking..."

My particular favorites were during the time I dated Chet.

"No ring yet I see." An Aunt sneered to me while looking down her nose.

"So, you and Chet talking about marriage?" which translates to: "If not, you'd better work it into conversation, you don't have very much longer."

"You're giving Goldie and Kurt a run for their money, aren't you honey?"

"What's wrong with you?"

OK, so the last one wasn't very polite, but was actually said to me at a bridal shower within the last year. When I was asked why I wasn't engaged yet, and said: "Well, he hasn't asked me." I was treated with that as an answer.

The funny thing is, that this behavior is considered socially acceptable behavior. It's totally OK to single-girl bash with wild abandon at these functions. Those who are married--and sometimes not even happily so, are very bloodthirsty when it comes to comments. The only comment that I was ever given by a married woman that was nice goes as follows: "Girl, you don't know how smart you are. Run--Run for the hills, and whatever you do, don't let some jackass slip something on your finger while you're not looking." I won't divulge who this woman was but suffice to say she was above the age of sixty, and a family member.

I've been thinking about this a lot lately, especially since the breakup. How do I deal with these people now? The worst part is that the breakup has left an open wound, and these comments actually really hurt now. Especially the insensitive prying that people have taken to regarding the breakup.

I'm beginning to believe a comment that a co-worker made to me at the age of eighteen:

"You are going to be the crazy cat lady--a total spinster, you're going to have a little yellow house on the corner with twenty million cats, sitting on your porch swing reading Popular Mechanics, threatening the neighborhood kids with a shotgun to stay off your grass!" this, followed by a guffaw of laughter, "Minster the Spinster--hey it kind of fits!"


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