Wednesday, September 06, 2006


I'm getting crankier with age. I'm starting to realize this. I have no patience. I don't like to wait for anything anymore. Which pretty much relegates me to toddler like tantrums (mostly in my head, I'm pretty sure I'd make a spectacle if I decided to throw myself to the floor and flail). One of the things that I am losing patience with is sports. I used to love sports. I loved to play sports, I loved to watch sports, and I especially loved to sit with a beer and argue sports with anyone who felt like arguing. Not so much anymore. You see, I'm dating a man who is a sports NUT. I should have seen it coming...I knew the signs. I have two brothers afflicted with the same disease. As the matter of fact, one of the things I liked about him to begin with was the mutual interest in the same teams.

OK, that was then. Now, I can't have a conversation with him during sports. He does not even dignify me with a response or glance. It wouldn't upset me if it was when he is watching a specific team, or a specific game...or a RECENT one for that matter.

This all started out innocently enough. The first year we dated he was really into baseball and football. What guy isn't, and to tell you the truth, I didn't mind (except for the world series game he stood me up for--and never even took me along, all I got was a ratty program).

Year two--hockey is added into the equation.

Year three--the addiction gets worse...we begin to listen on the radio too.

Year four--we can't even talk during commercials because these are entertaining too, or it's time for peebreak.

Year five--I know y'all are getting the picture.

Year six--more of the same.

Year seven--The bane of my existence. The ESPN CLASSIC CHANNEL.

Oh, yes! There is a channel now that shows old games in their entirety. This basically means that if a game is called because of weather (which used to be God's way of throwing us women a bone), now these sports-infatuated men can recline and relive some old game. "I can't tell you what I did with ____--Can't you see the 1977 championship is on!" "Honey, I'm sorry did you say something? Why are you so mad? I told you I was watching the 1984 World Series--My God they were tying it up!"

Yes girls--we are doomed. If there is "nothing on" which basically means, nothing he wants to watch, the channel immediately heads to the same spot.

And Men--pay attention: I used to like sports. I used to play sports. I used to enjoy these things. I now cannot stand the themesong for SportsCenter. Take heed, do not ruin the enjoyment of these things for us. We do not mind you being fans. This actually helps us out once in a while (especially when we need help drafting our players for fantasy football). But for the love of God, give us something. I would just like to have the commercials and drive time back.

I'm afraid I will be forced to retaliate at some point.

I could start forcing SoapNet or worse--Lifetime on him. I don't want to have to do it...

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